I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
