Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
