I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
