I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
