My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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