She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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