I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm at about main and main street
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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