Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
