I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
