im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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