I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
