I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
