Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
