i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
