I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
