You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
