Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
