Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
