she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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