Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
