Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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