3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
