How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
