he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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