How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
