i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize