I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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