Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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