I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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