HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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