Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
