I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
