then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
