Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
where are my eyebrows?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
