How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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