yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
