she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
MIDGETS
????
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
