That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
