I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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