Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
