Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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