I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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