You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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