I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
