How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
