She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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