He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
