My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
