We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
