you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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