My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
