I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
