There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
