do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
