Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize