Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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