Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
