That's intense
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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