just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
