Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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