hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I party with great urgency now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
