This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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