You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
