White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
