could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize