I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
