You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
