I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
