Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
