Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
