my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
