so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Houston, we have a squirter
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
